I think it might be Spring.

But I don't want to jinx it. (Hence the new layout. I will make it spring, if only on my computer.) This sunshine and warmth was just too much to handle. And I needed it a little too badly. I find it sad when I recognize that the weather can have almost complete control of my moods. I'd like to think that I'm more together than that. A bit more advanced. But I'm not. I'm recognizing that in lots of areas of life. I don't know if it's old age and wisdom, or just getting more jaded that has me realizing that there's not many things that I do which I could consider excellent and worthy of being modeled after by anyone else. Or things I sparkle at. (Thanks goes out to Shannon for that descriptor.) I get by. I do ok. I manage, don't get me wrong. It's just that stage of life, I'm telling myself. Who has the time to be: a balanced, organized, thought-out and loving mother; a compassionate and doting wife; a master teacher and conductor; an inspirational crafter; a reliable and thoughtful friend; a prudent and efficient manager of all banking, investments and funds; a methodical and productive house keeper; and whatever else might tumble into my already crowded lap. It's just not going to happen. I firmly believe that no one can be all of that. It's what gets me through. : )

I'm not really sure where that was going. Just had to get it off my rather flat chest. I am more nervous that I could imagine at all the upcoming upheaval in life, and how I'm going to land when the dust settles... Will the move go as smooth as a move can go? Will all the funding and paperwork be done in the right timing? Will we settle into the new place ok? Will the boys be ok sharing a room upstairs? Have we chose the right kindergarten for Nathaniel? Will Isaac be ok at preschool? Is it too soon to send Isaac to preschool? Will I get a job for the fall? Will it be one that I will enjoy? Will it be at a school nearby? Will it be the right scheduling so that I can still enjoy being a mother with my boys, but will it also pay the bills? Will Craig and Louise be able to sell their house in time to move here? Will it affect the deal that they penned with us? Will they be happy with the house when they arrive? Why do we seem to be needing more money every month? Will I be able to taxi Natty to and from morning kindergarten (5 mornings), and Isaac to and from morning preschool (2 mornings) and still hold down a job? Who is going to care for the boys in the fall while I'm at work? Will they like it there? Will Dan find a new position in September (once his year probation is up) and will it still fit into the choices (and requirements) we've made in life? Things like that. They are perpetually bouncing around in this ol' head of mine. It'll all work out, it always does. I know. It's in God's hands. I know. What's meant to be will be. I know. But it doesn't stop the bouncing... I'm a worry wart. What can I say.

Boy. This is getting depressing. I'll end with a few things that I've overheard of late to bring the mood back up...

At the supper table, Natty and Isaac were eating their applesauce and Dan and I had already left to start cleaning up in the other room. Isaac called out a tattle, "Maaaama.... Natty is..." and we couldn't really make out what the sin was. But we did hear Natty say quietly to Isaac, "Shhh! Don't tell Isaac! That's what brothers are for!"

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Nathaniel told me at bedtime the other night that he wanted to marry me because I was his best friend. I was touched, but explained to him that I was married to Dada and had my ring. (I didn't get much into the whole mother-son thing yet.) He listed people he wanted to marry, and was disappointed that they all had their rings as well. The mood did brighten, however, when he learned that India didn't have her ring yet. He resolved it was India he would marry. He even promised not to bug and tease her if it meant her saying yes. Now, all he needed from me, he asked, was me to remind him when he was grown up that it was India that he had to ask to marry him.

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Isaac has realized that he has an equal say in the family and that people will listen to him if he has something to say. He has found this very empowering. Frequently he will interrupt a conversation by repeatedly saying "Excuuuuse me... excuuuuuuse me!" until someone says, "Yes, Isaac?" Problem is, he doesn't usually have anything to say. He just wants a turn. So he usually responds in this way, "um... ummm.... ummmm... um..." until Natty finally interrupted him the other day and exasperatedly demanded, "Isaac! Is it just the ums?"

Recent sunny days...

I have no idea how to get the same clear quality from our camera onto the web. This is the best I could figure. Hopefully you get the idea. : )