we're off!

Ah, the simple life... If only it were that way. But I am hoping my guts out that it will be for the next 2 weeks: we are off (all of us!) to Ontario today to go and have grand adventures at my parent's campground! (www.dunesoakridge.com) I am so excited, and if the boys could understand, I'm sure they'd be excited too. We plan on gong to the lake (the most fine, beautiful sand you've ever seen, and kms of sandbars...), climbing sand dunes that are 5 stories high, swimming in the 3 pools, going for golfcart, Gator, and backhoe rides with Baba and Papa, having campfires and eating smores, and enjoying each other to the most.

All I hope is that we don't have a shadow hanging over us the whole time regarding "what are we going to do in the fall?!" Dan still doesn't have an official offer from Edmonton, and we aren't even sure yet if we even want one. So many unknowns. We wish life were decided at this point. I'll let you know when we know anything, but it won't be in the next 2 weeks. We're off! : )

suspended.

I feel like our lives are suspended right now, almost swinging back and forth from one option for our future to another. It's so hard waiting. Problem is, I'm not even sure what we're waiting for.

I sure about this: I want Dan to find a job that he enjoys and takes value in, something that validates him for how talented and gifted his is, something that lets him shine. I feel like he's never really been given a chance to shine. All jobs to this point have seem glimmers of what he can do and all that he's capable of, but none have stood back and said, "Go for it. We believe in you." I feel so frustrated that his past employers haven't said this. He is so deserving.

We are waiting for the results of his interviews with Catholic Social Services in Edmonton. He thought they went well, and for Dan to come out of an interview saying that (he feels he doesn't interview well---I say they just need to meet him to know) it went well. But if he does get offered something, that has many implications that I am not totally sure how I feel about. It means: selling our home and leaving the town we love so much; moving to Edmonton; MOVING! all that packing and unpacking (ugh!); leaving my brother and his family behind (we've grown so close, it will be impossibly hard to leave them); leaving Dan's parents behind (who will be heart-broken as they spend so much time with the boys); me leaving my permanent teaching contract with the board and maybe having to find something there (does that make me a doormat; wanting happiness and fulfullment for Dan so badly that I would give up what I've worked so hard for for myself?); setting up a whole new network of friends and family and daily existence in a new city; hoping like hell that Dan's new job is fulfilling and something that he would want to make a career out of... I know I probably haven't even thought of half of the things that are weighing on my heart. It just feels like a large, heavy lump and I'm not sure how to pull it all apart and see what's all in there. Am I the least excited to move? Yes, I think I am. But as it may become more a reality, I realize at what cost it is, and I am having trouble balancing it all out.

I just really, really want Danny to be valued and to shine. Is that such a big request? He needs it. We all do.