my marriage advice to newlyweds at their shower this afternoon (note: I really didn't feel like I was the wisest one to do this. It was humbling.)

I feel honoured, yet so inadequate–-there's so much more wisdom and experience in this room!
I don’t want to say much --too much gets lost.

Main point: marriage is hard work and daily full of hard choices. It’s hard to keep a vibrant, respectful, honouring relationship cultivated… too easy to co-exist, however content you may be. I’m not saying marriage can’t be loving or wonderful, but it isn’t an “easy” road—that’s not the way we’re created!

You know this: life is busy, and about to get busy beyond belief come June. Start now learning to share life together, not just being married out of habit. Do little things to work at this:
*Eat together without the TV on
*Have a night set apart for you (go out, when baby comes [due in June], home is ok—just set apart to focus on each other)
*Talk to each other before bed (don’t go mad...don’t bottle up your emotions)
*Laugh at yourselves – don’t be too serious
*Don’t get caught in the trap of being focused on things, parenting or problems rather than each other. Cherish what uniqueness you each bring to the marriage.

It’s hard work to remember to put each other first, and sacrifice all along the way, for the good of the other. You have to choose this daily. (Not saying being a doormat-find the honouring balance)
You’ll disagree a lot… you’re a lot like me in that you’re “high-spirited” and don’t like to take things laying down and would rather fight!! But choose to WORK at your marriage. Listen. Respect. Make choices to honour each other. For me, it’s so easy to be selfish or sarcastic or demanding. I’m not saying I have it figured out. It’s really hard. Praying for him really helps keep a soft heart towards him and your roles together.

But know that there’s a choice daily, and that it takes concentrated effort and thought and LOVE to make the right choices. You’ll be blessed in your marriage for it.
I know God has brought you together by no accident, as well as the precious little one you’re carrying. He has great plans for you and cherishes you all. Rest in Him when you can’t find the strength to do all this alone—He didn’t mean you to.